oh how i love thee. *hurls into bucket* something about chemistry and math — does not click for me. bah.
my roommate is still sleeping at the moment. i wanted to watch tv when i came back, but noooo someone wanted to sleep in today! im missing years old reruns of dawson’s creek! how dare she! maybe i should casually toss a pillow at her face? can you even do that casually? haha.
i have a math quiz later today. so wrong. it’s dead week! teacher’s aren’t allowed to do this. >_> . they’re sneaky by doing “quizzes” instead of tests (because they really aren’t allowed to have tests during dead week, but quizzes are okay). sneaky teachers, in some ways, they’re more sly than the students themselves.
but then it’s SPRING BREAK! two weeks of freedom. im uber excited. it’s mainly just going to be my dad and i, so he was planning a lot of day trips together. i think for one of those days we’re going to go into the olympic national rainforest, since everyone raves about it. maybe go to the coastline — to La Push perhaps? It’s an indian reservation…but it’s quite sad there. We went one time before, and theres this dingy old casino nearby, and then all these tiny tiny houses and trailers there. But they had good seafood chowder at this little cliffside (literally) restaurant we went to. >_<. i think we have to go through Forks to get there (GASP!) — but Forks is suppose to be kinda gross. haha. we shall see.
nothing much happened today — still pretty early. blah. i hate mornings. i hate grocery shopping, and i hate mornings. those are the two things i despise most of all. i swear i will pay someone to do my grocery shopping for me when i have a place of my own. or order them online and have them delivered to my house.
haha, i could basically just live out the rest of my life in my computer chair. order my clothes, food, entertainment online — maybe get a dog (that i would order online) to fetch the stuff for me. hahahaha. oh that would be awesome…in a sad way.
i really really really really really really hope this guy from my philosophy class doesn’t come to my room to “hang out”. i swear its SO awkward. at least for me. because he STARES at me the ENTIRE time. i don’t know if that’s just how he acts with everyone…but i hate it. maybe i’ll go to the library at like 8pm and actually read for my history class — so i can escape him. then tomorrow in philosophy, if he talks about hanging out (which he doesn’t really ask, its just like “we’ll hang out later, okay?”….errrrrr) i’ll just say…erm, erm. ??? i’ll be in the library doing chem project. there we go.
it’s called that for a very good reason. finals are next week, and its study study study! i can’t wait to be done and over with this quarter. i will be SOO happy. and then i have a 2 week spring break. omg…i can’t wait. haha. i think i’m going to make my dad take me on a motorcycle trip over to the olympic national rainforest, or deception pass or something like that for one of those days, when he’s off. Something like that. I’d like to get out and go hiking or something. I don’t think I could stay inside for all two weeks. yeah…i’d go insane.
This is one of my favorite pictures ever. I didn’t edit it or anything. I took it when I was at deception pass, walking down to the beach. So nice.
so daylight savings. yeah i hate it. its 2am right now, and i can’t fall asleep. i’ve been writing a bit for my new story — which im glad of. im so excited to do this new story…eep! i’ll probably have the first chapter out in two weeks (during my spring break). i think the chapters will be shorter than on regular on the exchange, but i’ll release it sooner, so it makes up for that.
i keep thinking when im alone, typing on the computer like this, “i wish ’so and so’ was here”…but then i think about it…im not sure if i do. haha, im not making any sense. but i think sometimes i really prefer to be alone. i think i like the company of others, but not have to carry out a conversation all the time? haha. i dont even know what im talking about.
ive been listening to patrick wolf…like NONSTOP. he just doesn’t get old. i also have two of his albums (lycanthropy and magic position) and a couple of songs from another album (wind in the wires), so…yeah…i have a lot of songs to listen to. haha. his video for “magic position” might appear on MTV2 sometime soon (if he gets enough votes)…which would be awesome. more people need to listen to him! (but not too much >_>)
today, when we were driving back to college, i kept thinking about ana’s story “twenty-one”. and just marveling at how amazing it was/is. i really wish someone would publish it into a book, cause i was really dying to re-read it in the car (even though i’d probably get carsick…haha). but gah. i probably sound like a nutcase, or im just saying it to be nice. but i dunno, some sim stories on the exchange, im just like…HOLY CRAP! to the writing. i dont even need the pictures. a lot of talented authors on the exchange…thats for sure.
okay. i think im going to try to sleep now. maybe. gah. DIE YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS…DIE!!!
ahh saturday. possibly the best day of the week. friday comes close. but saturday pretty much kicks its ass.
my roommate woke me up at around noon to go to breakfast. i could seriously just forget breakfast. though i do like my hashbrowns. just not a breakfast type of gal.
then we went to the university book store, and i bought some st. patrick’s day cards for people. my favorite one is the one i’m sending to my mom. it says.
[FRONT]
Irish Coffee is coffee with booze.
[INSIDE]
Thank You Ireland.
I Love You.
I laughed so hard when i read it, cause my mom loves her irish coffee, and shes the kind of person who would laugh at this as well. i dont understand when people say they dont get along with their parents. i just can’t relate. i mean, yeah, my parents and i get in fights — especially when we’re both in bad moods. but i laugh with them more than i fight. and it also helps that they’re really lax about a lot of things. and when they were in high school, they were the pot-smokers, getting into trouble, failing classes…whereas i…am preettyy much the opposite. that definitely helps. my mom’s especially cool cause i can talk to her about anything. she’s like my best friend. but there still remains that “mom” factor.
i just ate 5 samoa cookies. and they were delicious. gotta love girl scout cookies.
so i find out, then when i get stressed out, my stomach gets all confused and i feel sick ALL the time. i lost 7 pounds this week because ive only been eating (more like picking at) one meal a day. and after i eat that, i feel reallyyy nauseous. fun stuff.
then theres school (the reason for my stress). it’s been crazy. i have 2 math quizzes, a chem test, a history term paper, a buttload of philosophy and math homework, 2 chem labs, and reading for history. i think i can see a print on my ass from all this work. cause its kicking it. (ha-im so funny >_<)
THEN…theres this whole thing with this…guy. and nope, not that bathroom stall guy. some other guy. throughout the year, ive seen him in passing, and then he was in my philosophy class — but we never talked. then when i working on my math homework with a friend, he came up and started talking to my friend (they knew each other) and then he introduced himself. then the next day, my friend and i were studying for math test, and he came to help me with my philosophy homework (cause i totally didnt get it). theennn the next day, i was doing my philosophy homework in the lounge, and he saw me there and said hello and asked if i wanted to hang out later. i said “yeah, definitely.” innocently. thennn later on that night, he comes a-knocking on my dorm room. and sat down on my bed while i was trying to study for chemistry. ughhh talk about awkward. he was there for a reallyyy long time too. and it didn’t help that my roommate was acting all stupid and was like “im gonna…go…now” with a stupid grin on her face, like she knew something. later she came back with some people from next door and we sat around watching tv. and out of the corner of my eye, i thought he was staring at me, but i knew i was being paranoid. but then my roommate informed me that he WAS staring at me the entire time. i swear i blushed like 50 times. it was sooo bad. i dont have a problem talking to guys in class and in passing…but when they’re in my ROOM (like thats ever happened), i feel soooo awkward. and i dunno if he really “likes” me, cause he’s friends with ALL these people, including tonnnsss of girls. so im thinking this is the way he acts with all of the girls. blah. i dunno. i dont really like him. hes nice and kinda cute…but i dunno. i just hope it doesnt continue to be this awkward…for me at least.
yeah. crazy week. im so ready for it to be done. and then i can just sleeeep. and write. ^__^
gah. this has to be one of the crappiest days ever. or just that i feel like crap for no apparent reason.
i feel sooo stupid. actual academic stupidity.
in high school, i was an A-B student. Mainly As. I was referred as the “smart one”. the person everyone came running to with homework help, or to be in group projects together. i kind of liked that.
now im in college. and everything has gone down the tube.
out of my friends, i feel like im the retard of the group. and they’re not like brainiacs or anything. maybe its just because of this week. i had a chem test today — which i KNOW i failed. i left several answers blank, and was BSing the other questions. now im kicking myself because i know i should have studied my ass off for that test. i knew that im not the best in chemistry. and i knew that my last test didn’t go over so well. i should have studied harder. gugh.
and then i got my history midterm back today. i got an 84 (B). i barely studied for it. buuutt, my other friends got a 91, 96 and 90. Talk about a punch to my self-esteem. And I have a math quiz on friday, and my history term paper due friday. this week has been like hell. i keep dreaming of summer, and me on the shore with my cousin. gahhh, those are the best times of my life.
so now i’m DETERMINED to beat my friend on this history term paper. gah.
it probably isn’t helping that i think im getting sick. i was a bit sick last week, but with all this work, my immune system probably isnt top notch. i’ve only been eating a meal a day cause im never hungry. and if that. i think ive lost a couple pounds cause of it.
dude. this entry is soooo whiny. do slap me when this week is over.
When had it left? When I was sleeping? Like a current through a stream? Washing all things away, slipping through my fingers like the silken black water that glided slowly over the stones now.
I’m deep in this dream, the darkness on the edge of my vision. Moonlight glows softly on his ivory skin. He tenderly slips his hand behind my neck and brings me close. I can feel my heart racing – breaking my breath into shallow gasps. His heartbreakingly beautiful face smiles softly at me. And all I want to do is crash hard into his embrace.
He lifts my face to his and delicately presses both hands on each side of my face. I close my eyes and turn my face into one of his hands. He rubs my cheek tenderly with the base of his thumb. One of his strong arms snakes around my waist and pulls me closer, and I can feel his breath on my lips. His beautiful face moves closer, his soft lips brushing against mine, and I know…
I will die.
___________
thats the beginning to a new story im thinking of writing. shite? and no, it’s not a vampire story. even though it’s a “beautiful”, pale man. i’ve been kind of wanting to write a bit of a darker story. blah. who knows.
so no run-ins with bathroom stall guy today. thank god.
pretty mellow day. went to class, did my shtuff. was completely lost in philosophy class, and jammed out to my ipod as i walked to and from classes. i was going to go to the library with a friend to research a history paper — which i was totally ready to finish this weekend. turns out the library closes at 6pm on the weekends. yeah. not so cool. and i dont have any homework this weekend. so what will i be doing until sunday? bumming away. and i love it.
okay, because im a trend-whore, heres a list of things you probably dont know about me
[x]i wish i was ballsy enough to not care what people think about me
[x]people like me, because i listen. but im sick of just being the listener
[x]for several years i was confused about my sexual orientation
[x]sometimes i don’t know if there really is a God
[x]when i was younger, i hated my dad. actually hated
[x]i wish i was funnier
okay enough about me now. i do believe i hear watermark pictures calling my name. *squishes them with my sneaker*
its true love, i tell you. watch this video. nooooow.
kind of reminds me of all the dark angsty sims stories and movies combined in one = awesome.
kind of added a few things to my layout. added a fav picture of mine as my title…picture…thing. i dont really want to say what the picture is, gonna kind of tease you a bit, and float around until i figure things out. and i like to tease. =P
sooooo. another run in with mr. bathroom stall guy. today towards the end of my dinner, he sat at the end of the table I was sitting at with my friends. he was too far away for me to say anything, or even exchange eye contact, cause that would have meant me turning around. a bit awkward. see? i totally wasn’t joking about me seeing him everywhere. I see him at LEAST once a week, defintely more.
today, my friend and i were studying for a math test today, and this guy who ive seen a lot (looking at me that is), came up to her and they started talking. he’s obviously her friend. and then he started talking to me — turns out we have the same philosophy class, though he usually goes to the one before just so he doesnt have to be in a class until 4. When he introduced himself and shook my hand — it was kind of weird, cause he looked directly into my eyes. just not use to that. i dont think he likes me, a lot of people end up just looking at me cause of my eyes. they’re kind of weird like that.
so today, melinda decided to share aWONDERFUL youtube film with nicole and i today. It was called “Boy With a Knife” — a 1950s movie. And dear god. THE LINES. hahaaha. i swear it was the best thing, it a weird way. Melinda calls it “Boy with a Knife — The Original Emo”.
yeah, you’re gonna have to watch it.
by the way, im naming my future son Bud. he’ll be a role model.
bah, this week has been so confusing. and overwhelming.
I’m seriously ready for school to be done. I don’t have to do it anymore, do i? uuuggghhhh.
i have a math test today — i dont even want to think about how that’s going to go (awful).
Last night, I made this random sim couple…and I’m thinking about writing a story about them. Yeah, I’m WAYY over my head. Two stories on the exchange, this little flickr story I do when I’m bored and then this. I’m insane. Truly insane. haha. But I’m thinking that this story I wouldn’t post on the exchange, just perhaps make a website for it and people can just read it on there. That way I could also have my pictures be huge and gorgeous, instead of the crap on the exchange.
Once I figure out the plotline (because right now, it’s sounding like another teen vampire love story, when none of my characters are teenagers OR vampires…gugh), maybe I’ll just start writing and upload it when I feel like I have enough commitment to keep going. I’m really excited for it, like each night I keep thinking of new plot twists and characters — causing me not to be able to fall asleep. How lame is that? I’m losing sleep over thinking up a sims story.
I need a life.
I really can’t determine if writing for the sims is a reasonable hobby, or an obsession? I’m thinking more obsession due to I procrastinate my homework and essays so I can work on sims stories. If I don’t release an actual book when I’m older, PLEASE find me and bop me on the head with a frying pan. Because I honestly can’t see my life without writing.
I saw my bathroom stall guy again today. And I didn’t do anything. Maybe I’ll actually exchange eye contact with him the next time (which I’m sure will be soon). Oh — for all of you who don’t know bathroom stall guy, heres the quick story. There’s a guy in my dorm hall, who i see EVERYWHERE and…well, quite good looking. And every time I look up to him, he’s looking back at me. So my stomach flips a little. >_<. Anywho, on my dorm level, in our bathroom, we have “hotty pottys” — in each stall people post pictures of hot celebrities, people at our school, and whatnot. And when I went into one of the stalls, HIS picture was there. Bit awkward peeing now.
wednesday + vday = crappiest day allliiiveee. (good math, eh?)
alright. im overreacting. (as usual). but seriously. ugh. valentine’s day should be renamed, SINGLES AWARENESS DAY. you know its true. on valentine’s day, you always know whose got a bf/gf and whose all lonely.
as for me, i got toonnss of gifts from someone special. okay my mom. haha. i dont mind. she’s really good at sending me care packages, usually she forgets about stuff like that. she sent me this huuugee assortment of chocolates, a dvd, and a card. pretty good for valentine’s day. haha.
so many people are leaving sims. honestly, WHAT is up with that?! i will admit — sims has gotten old. REALLY old in fact. but i would never LEAVE. i know i couldn’t. the main reason — i love writing and sharing my stories WAYY too much. and two — im part of a big sims family now. and you can never leave your family. ^___^
gugh. i have to start my math homework now. but im lucky. its my ONLY homework tonight. this is a once in a year deal. like a miracle! a valentine’s day miracle! ….okay i think i barfed a little saying that.
ahhh okay i just finished watching House of Flying Daggers. best movie evverrr.
i had heard about it, but was never into watching a subtitle flick. but in the recent years, i guess i’ve broadened my horizons? anyhow, i have been DYING to watch it. and it was finally on HBO. i just loved it.
the music was soooo amazing. i’d just watch it for the sweeping soundtrack. and the scenary and special-effects. O_O. enough to keep your mouth gaping the entire time. then there was all these twists and turns. and the plotline…SO amazing. i totally thought it would be about this power struggle over these two groups in ancient china. not really that AT ALL. gahh and the ending. bahhh. okay im going to stop now. haha.
i came home today. woooop. nice to be back. but then i have college looming over my head. i’m so unmotivated in college. in high school — i had the idea of getting accepted into a good school to keep me motivated. i’ve got nothing now. i think it’s because im so confused on what i want to do. i looove art and english. but theres nothing there for me. all the jobs are so sketchy — nothing really solid. which is why i want to major in biology. but im slacking MAJORLY in math and chemistry. i dont know whats up with me. i think i might have to take pre-calc over again, cause i haven’t passed the skills test — that you NEED to pass in order to pass the class. seriously. what the hell is up with me? this isn’t like me. i usually at least TRY. uuugghhh.
at least i have more friends now. thats a bonus. i felt HORRIBLE first quarter allll the time, because i honestly didn’t have like ANY friends except my dummmbb roommate. thank god things have gotten better. i know this one really nice girl named erica — i just hope we stay friends in the following years. i feel kind of weird though…cause like ALL her friends are gooorgeous. like it’s some quality you have to have to be her friend. which i mean, is a huge compliment to me. but kind of shallow you know? well its not like she’s mean to other people — so no big deal. just kind of…weird i guess. haha.
alright. enough of me. i think im going to go off and write some more watermark. (i haven’t written anything in over two weeks. eeeeeek)
p.s. title is a quote from “house of flying daggers”. yeah a bit obsessed. haha. PLUS it has the yummy mr. takeshi in it. ahh the asian orlando bloom. *swoons* and zhang ziyi. i SWEAR that woman is the definition of beauty. gahhhh. so gorgeous.
