Again — i SHOULD be studying for my math test tomorrow. blegh. just hard when you study and study for something, and then mess up on DUMB SHIT. like basic algebra. yep. thats a blast. -__-

so, i found out the other day — that I DIDNT HAVE TO TAKE ENGLISH 101!! grrrr…i think it was because of my SAT score in that area, i guess it was high? dunno. but yeah. didn’t have to take it. and guess who took the class? oh yes. that would be me. luckily, I had a good teacher — but english 101 (for anyone who doesn’t know) is a dumbass class that almost everyone has to take unless you get exempt. it’s a class usually taught by a grad student, and you write a bajillion essays about readings that are BORING AS HELL, and have nothing to do with anything. the class is there to learn how to write essays. (aka basically taking ALL you learned in high school, aaannnddd chucking it out the window — no joke) so. dumb. and i took it. -___-

i know jaclyn had a blog entry on this  before, but i’ll just state a single sentence instead. definition of frakensteining sims DOES NOT INCLUDE having the sims head about 2 or so times larger than the normal size. thank you. 

my friend from turkey showed me this REALLY cute song (no…don’t worry, it’s not turkish). it’s called “Merry Happy” by Kate Nash. I recommend checking it out. I believe it’s on youtube somewhere. heh.

im so excited. im getting a canon Digital Rebel XTi. i think i’ll be paying for half of it — most with the 100 dollar american express gift card i got for my high school graduation last year — eep! and what will i do with this camera? make you explode with too many pictures. heh. actually i dunno, but i looove taking pictures and I’ve always wanted a slightly professional camera. woop woop!

i’ve been writing a bit more for garden gate. and i think it sounds like SHITE. i mean complete shit. no joke. i feel like i need to re-write it. it’s the stuff while you’re writing it, you’re thinking — this is pretty good! then when you look back at it the next day its just like… oh shit-ass-and hole. bah. maybe it’s just school tainting my brain. usually is.

ehhhhh alright. i guess i should get back to studying. >__> i really want to know when i will ever use graphing rational functions and doing polynomial long division in my own life. seriously.

i swear i only write on this thing when i have something HUGE i need to be doing.
right now — currently my 7-9 page english essay. it’s 1:24am and im on page 2. don’t tell me im not screwed.
haha, oh well. it’s only the rough draft due tomorrow, and ehh you need a late nighter every once in awhile — keeps you young. =P

i honestly don’t know if anyone reads my blog. and im terribly sorry for the crap you DO read, if you manage to find your way over here. i might just make a blog myself, cause wordpress is kind of boring. but that is for summer my darlings, and it’s ever expansive time. ^___^

so i am SO pumped for writing the garden gate chapter three. no sarcasm there. i know what i want to write, i know whats going to happen, and ive just been really inspired lately. but of course, dumb school is getting in the way. but only 2 weeks left! hopefully soon, i’ll give you guys a little excerpt (a little prize for whoever checks this thing).

i swear my mom is SO ridiculously supportive — i just love her so much for it. im basically freaking out right now cause i was dumb and didn’t drop my math class earlier in the year (i don’t need it for my major anymore, and if you haven’t figured it out…I LOATHE math. the deepest pit of all that is vengeful.), and probably will get a D in it (if im lucky). and my mom was just telling me to breathe, and that i’ll get through this. and even if i get screwed over and go below the needed GPA for the school, we’ll figure it out. kind of calmed me down a bit. thanks mum.

^^by the way — at the above statement, ive been doing really shitty in school because i did crappy in classes like math and chemistry — classes that i HAATTEEE. obviously classes that i hate = shitty grades. and yet in my history class i got an A, my english classes i get high Bs, or As — which is actually terribly difficult to do in my school’s program. too bad math and chem effed me up. i honestly wished i started in community college for my first year — just so i could have figured out what i wanted to do with my major, and then once i decided, i could go to a 4 year college. in high school, it’s like “NOT COMMUNITY COLLEGE!! NOOOOOO!!!” but once you’re out of that crap-hole, it really doesn’t matter where you go. as long as you’re happy with where you are and what you’re doing.

okay…i think i’ll stop my ranting, cause you’ve had your dose of brianna for the night.
*stares down essay* i shall defeat youuuuuu!!!

[holy crap -- over 6,000 hits...who the hell is reading this blog?! X__x -- mind you, ana has arouuunnddd 14,000 -- but still...i ponder...]

but it seems in the past 24 hours, ive sunk back down again. i apologize in advance for all this crap you may read — but this is the only way i can find to somewhat cope with it. i KNOW it’s school that’s the cause of this. today i found out that i got a 68 on an anthro test i had this morning — which i expected a B on. and i might have to drop my math class cause im doing so bad in it. i want to pass math, but i swear…that class, math and i REALLY don’t get along. I may understand it on the homework for a least a little bit, but then on the test, it’s like WHOOSH — all previous knowledge gone. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

i also feel soo stupid. i use to be one of the “smart” students in class. Almost all As, maybe a B and a C in math. but now i feel sooo utterly dumb. i really am loathing this feeling.  i know it has to do with my insane lack of ability to concentrate (like now — suppose to be editing an english essay), and severe procrastination. most of my distractions come from the simming world — so i probably will have to take a break — at least until i feel somewhat confident in my classes. because summer’s so close, and then i’ll be online all the time without a worry in the world. as for now…really have to focus on my academics and get out of this rut.

but next year, it’ll be art and creative writing major — better be good.

you should really really really listen to it. mainly because its a cool song, even though i dunno what he’s saying, and 2nd — when i was in istanbul, i was sitting next to him (like literally a foot away) at a restaurant i went to. he’s like HUUUGE in turkey. and i, of course, have no bloody clue as to who he is. i thought he was kinda cute, so i kept looking over there — he probably just thought i was a fan or something…psh. haha. afterwards my friend and her friends were like “ohhh myyy godddd brianna!!! i cant believe you were sitting next to yalin!!!!”
me — “that eggplant lasagna was good. what’s a yalin?” — yes. that was my actual answer. i will forever be shamed in turkey. haha.

i end up writing on here whenever im majorly procrastinating doing something — tonight it’s my anthropology sentences. its 12:25am and i havent started them. blah. they’re just a pain in the ass is what they are. i really really hate my teacher. though i like anthropology. psh whatever.

so like ana, im UBER excited to start writing…but im still waiting to get inspired. this is one of the worst feelings — wanting to write soooo bad, but having no clue what to write. i need to talk to someone about the plot…or something. not sure. but i need to get my thoughts in order, or ill end up going insane from all this bottled up writing energy. — eh, it could kill, you never know.

i got my book “how to be a graphic designer” from amazon today. woop! haha, sooo yeah. ditching the whole bio major and becoming an art major — going to be a design interest. but that means i have to submit a portfolio to get into the art program in the first place — and its 12 picturs. TWELVE. thats an insane amount. looks like i’ll be drawing all summer. bah. and of course im freaking out that i won’t get accepted. i mean, i think i can draw somewhat well, but its that whole originality/creativity thing. GAH. and i wont know until like late november. and even if i do get accepted, i might not even get a place in the program cause it’s all filled up. jkdla;jfl;a. but this is what i want, so i’ll keep trying until i get in. gugh.

i have absolutely no clue what to do for my hntm round. i thought i had something — but it was too…blah. looks like i’ll have to be coloring some hair. -______- not my cup of tea. its more like hack a lugee into my tea kind of deal. god. *grumblegrumble*

oh and if you haven’t done so yet…READ DECEPTION PASS. its effing brilliant. ive been reading them like crazy lately trying to get through all the episodes and get caught up. and im finally at the part (quote ana) where “the shit has hit the fan” (endquote). its crazy. its insane. and i looooove it.

alright. damn anthro homework. and stupid math quiz tomorrow. (NO MORE MATH AFTER THIS YEAR! — maybe. classes like that always like to sneak back into my schedule and piss the hell out of me)

another people pet peeve :: those who can’t sit in silence. my roommate’s like this. and it’s kind of weird cause she’s really really really shy. you would have thought she’d of been fine in silence. but if we’re in a car and it gets kind of quiet, she ALWAYS goes “awkward!” or “yeah…” — okay i was perfectly fine with my own thoughts. im totally cool if someone has an actual conversation topic (if its not totally dumb). but just going “sooo” — kinda want to shoot them in the face. gugh.

one more rant (i promise) :: please tell me i’m not the only one a bit confused by this thread — http://similik.proboards54.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=relationships&thread=1178550012&page=1

alright. i really should get started on my 4-6 page english essay. O_o, and its 10:47pm — when will i ever learn? i suppose never. haha

lately ive been really thinking about pursuing a graphic design major. that would mean putting biology away. i dunno. i mean its art and computer combined into one — my kind of thing. eh, ill just go with the flow and see what happens.

im so excited for summer. just want it now. summer means ocean mist, balmy nights on the boardwalk, giggling with my cousin, curiosity, cheese fries, funnel cake, ferris wheels, sand dunes, new adventures, sweet smiles, lazy bike rides, frisbee in the park, sketching, waking up at a noon, no worries, relaxation. it means everything.

i love love “consequence of sounds” by regina spektor. i use to listen to it allll the time when i was writing “don’t wait” – brings me back there again. <3

i don’t know what to do anymore. this week has been horrible. all i’ve felt like doing is just sleeping and watching tv (if that). i can barely get myself to go on the computer to even talk on msn, much less do sim writing, or homework.

this feeling of emptiness is pressing so hard on my chest, i can hardly breathe. all i want to do is just lay in my bed, and curl up into a tiny ball. i don’t want to talk to anyone. don’t want to think about anything.

i had a fight with my best friend — maybe its made me realize how alone i truly am. i don’t know what to do. i just don’t know. i feel dead inside. gray would best to describe how i feel.

i guess im depressed. cause im sounding an awfully a lot like evelyn from my story. this is just plain retarded.

i look at the things i once loved, and find no inspiration or excitement in them. my laughs are forced, and i smile weakly. it’s sunny and warm outside, and i just want to draw the curtains.

i just don’t know what to do.

where to turn. im lost.

i hope this ends soon. if it doesn’t…i just don’t know.

i have stephenie meyer as a friend on myspace. hahaha. i added her yesterday. i just find that the funniest thing. mind you she has like 8000 other friends. but yay! im one of them. im thinking of sending her a heartfelt message sometime soon. whether she, herself, actually reads it…don’t think that’ll happen, but maybe word will be sent along. she’s honestly my role model. shows me that i can actually maybe just slightly perhaps become a writer.

i really really really love the band “muse” at the moment. i highly suggest checking them out. and i recommend “hysteria”, “time is running out” and “endlessly”. just AMAZING. youtube it.

so i think im on…slide…62 or so out of 87 for garden gate. woop woop. im thinking i can finish it by friday, if not tomorrow. but then i have to fiddle with jaclyn’s storytelling code. because my story doesn’t have a webentry or whatever it’s called, so im going to have to mess with that. oh that’ll be fun.

i swear im going to hurl a pillow at my roommate’s head soon. she’s “sick”. she has hay fever from allergies and she WONT. STOP. COMPLAINING. i seriously am about to punch myself in the face, if not her. like eevverryythhiiinngg is a constant whine. and the entire time she’s talking i keep thinking “shutupshutupshutup”. i think she’s going home this weekend…so i think we’ll avoid a homocide this weekend.

blah. almost midnight. i guess i better go take a shower and get to bed.

i hate 8am classes. with a passion.

____

ahh spring break. ^________________________________________^

yessssss. i love it. our final grades are posted this coming up thursday. bah. i don’t even want to think about it.

today was pretty good on the social scale. i actually hung out with a friend…ohh yesss. She goes to a college in Seattle, so we met up, ate some thai food and green tea ice cream and then went to watch “Reign Over Me”. gah…GOOD movie. reallyyy emotional and moving i think.

been working on the garden gate site. i only have 2 or so pages left to do…but then i have to figure out the code so people can post comments on the story there. that’ll be a fiery bag of crap for sure.  and my html decided to eff up and basically throw up on my webpage. i thought everything was good, then i forgot to add heading to a certain page and then KAPLOO…exploded. i’ll have to take the better half of my brain tomorrow and figure out what i did wrong. — probably something tiny and stupid…always is.

this monday i’m going with my dad out to the olympic national park. anyone know what that means….? set of the book “twilight” baby! haha. ill take lots of pictures ^__^. I think i might have gone through forks before i read the book. because we went allllll the way out to La Push one time. (dear god — longest trip of my LIFE! — we went all the way down to oregon and back up the coastline. NOT a good idea if anyone’s thinking about doing it themselves) And to get back to Seattle, theres a major road to take — which goes right through Forks. tricky tricky. we’re actually going out to this place called Shi Shi beach, and you can check out the tide pools, wildlife, amazing sceneries and such there.  yes, i will be bringing my camera. i predict several odd photos of my dad throughout it.

wow okay. 4:27am. perhaps i should go to bed?

i definitely won’t to go into detail…but they have a problem controlling their volume level….especially when one of them likes to take in some…”woohoo”ing. >__> NOT COOL!

it was last weekend, last night and tonight. i want to go to bed without having to hear…THAT! so…so very wrong. i think i’ve been scarred for life. and it’s not like my roommate and i can knock on their door and ask politely, “uhm, could you be quieter while you’re having sex? We’re trying to get some sleep, thanks.” UGH.  dorm life…*sigh*

so it’s finals week. eeeeeep! i won’t even go into it. mainly because it’s 2:43am and im tired. haha. lazyness wins out.  as usual.

today was st. patrick’s day. it doesn’t feel like it though. usually it’s a big thing at my house. we watch irish movies, listen to irish music, drink tea and eat scone. i miss it.  = ( my roommate isn’t very irish, so she’s not that into it, like i am. my mom did send me some very pretty white roses with little flowers called “bells of ireland”. and some candy, and an irish blessings book. hehe.

i remember the st. patrick’s day after my grandmom’s death (where the irish comes from), my parents were both working late, and it had been tense all day. My dad was going to have cooked a big irish stew and my mom was going to bake a scone…but it didn’t work out. Instead, I turned on some irish music, boiled myself a couple of little potatoes and had them for dinner with a little cup of tea. hehe, can’t stop me from celebrating st. patrick’s day.

alright, i think i might play sims for a bit — ugh my kids are toddlers…THE worst age EVERRR.