i know ugliness, now show me something pretty

eeeeek.

i haven’t written in here in awhile.  >_<

it’s raining at the moment. skies are gray, and the rain is hitting my window softly.

kind of in a mellow mood now. i have some homework to do (as usual). school has been hitting me hard this quarter. i have  chemistry, pre-calc, history, philosophy.  Just a lot of work. In my chemistry class, we’re in a group for a project due. It’s a pretty good group…except for this one guy. I think his life’s purpose is to make me feel a fool at every moment. Everything I say, he counters it with some remark that makes me feel two inches tall. and before anyone thinks that he likes me — thats way out of the question. I’m sure he just thinks im some dumb blonde.

Then in pre-calc, theres this realllyyy nice guy, whose a year ahead of me, but so nice. We sit kind of next to each other in class, and then he and i both go to our teacher’s office a lot to get help. I wish we could talk — but its mainly like “how do you do this problem?”. And I could never say anything. I get all tongue-tied in those situations, and sound like a COMPLETE fool. Not good for my self-esteem. A quick way to lower it.

THEN theres this guy who lives in my dorm. I first saw him on open-door night in our dorm hall. Where we all open our doors and people can come in and say “hey” basically. And then I would see him alot when I was going to class, and he was coming back from class. And during dinner, I use to see him a lot. And everytime I saw him, my stomach would flip. I honestly wouldn’t care about him…if everytime I looked up to him, he was staring right back at me. Or I would catch him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. Too bad I don’t know his name. And too bad we’ve never talked except when I asked him on open door night, “You’re the one who was playing the drums?” sssmmmooooth.  Then I forgot about him cause I never saw him again. But the other night during dinner, I look up to feel my stomach flip again. He was across the room looking right at me.

uuuggghhhhh. okay i swear im done. i hate talking about guys. because honestly…my life is pretty much without them. i love (note sarcasm) when people don’t understand why I don’t have a guy. That makes me feel soooo great. I don’t need a guy. I’m better off without one. The only thing I’d like to have is just to know that I’m liked by other guys. Maybe that I’m actually doing something right.

I feel my philosophy homework calling me. if i slap it, will it shut up?